I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
