he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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