who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
