Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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