just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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