I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
