I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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