A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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