I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize