You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
