I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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