soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
