Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
