My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize