do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
