Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
