instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize