Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
