i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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