I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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