I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
