I just threw up on my dentist
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
