Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
