Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
