Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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