The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
