toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
