well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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