i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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