Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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