You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize