to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
