I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
