Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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