Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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