O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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