i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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