awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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