I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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