Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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