Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
