Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
