you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize