TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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