I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
