i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He felt like a one man threesome
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
