Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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