it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
