So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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