i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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