i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
