I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
honey bunches of taint.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
