so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
