this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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