We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
