I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
