closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
