I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
