there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i came on her dog
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
