But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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