So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
