People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
