i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
