her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
