I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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