Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
