i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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