You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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