The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
