Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
