Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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