Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So much Jack, so little girl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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