Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize