well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
