Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
