dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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