yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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