I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
