I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
