My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
