I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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