How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
