I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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