The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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