the condom got lost in my hair
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
