Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
