Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
