i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
