I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
