he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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