I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
