Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I understand Curling. That high.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
