So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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