You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Damn victory sex feels great
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
