My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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