Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
