I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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