very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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