Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
