Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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