I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
