Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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